*Article references major spoilers to the game Bioshock Infinite – and that’s not 100% bollocks*
In one of the infinite universes peppered across space and time, Booker DeWitt – fabled war hero and ex-racist – has been charged by the state of Columbia for incest.
Mr DeWitt said, ‘How was I supposed to know Elizabeth was my estranged daughter? I mean, come on. She’s super hot!’
His lawyer pointed out that trans-dimensional travel has impacted upon his memory.
‘Mr DeWitt was asked to rescue a girl to pay off an unknown debt,’ lawyer, Gross Misconduct said. ‘He had no idea that hot young woman following him around was his daughter. I mean, for all we know she might not be… in another universe.’
Asked what that meant, the lawyer started to bleed from his nose and fade in and out of our reality.
‘My whole ordeal has been far too confusing,’ said Mr DeWitt. ‘And that’s even before I knew Elizabeth was my daughter. Apparently my cosmic twin is an old man from the Westboro Baptist Church.’
An unnamed man, who claims he has ‘played’ as Booker DeWitt – in a universe where Mr DeWitt’s life is depicted as a videogame – had this to say:
‘Whether Booker DeWitt will be charged with incest is unknown at this point. Or possibly it is known, in some universe… somewhere. Either way it’s not as good as the first game.’