Christmas is a time for family and fun, but not everyone, including myself, really subscribes to the “It’s a Wonderful Life” or “Miracle on 34th Street” style of festive film. As such we at PixelBedlam have come up with the Top 5 Alternative Christmas Films for you to watch, feel festive with and on the most part watch people get blown seven ways from advent.
It’s Monday. The alarm goes off. You hit snooze. It goes off again 10 minutes later. Remarkably you find the will to get out of bed (fighting the urge to sink back into its somniferous warmth). You brush the sleep out of your eyes, take a shower and have some breakfast, and make the morning commute to the office. And then you sit in front of a computer for 8 hours, looking at lines and lines of data, talking to people (for the most part) you have little or no concern for, before making the commute back home. After 4 hours you go to bed. And then you wake up and do it all over again. For the next 45 years.
Malcolm in the Middle’s dad is a crystal meth cook. To be more accurate, the actor Bryan Cranston dons this new career path as Breaking Bad’s Walter White. To watch this Jekyll and Hyde-like character is a master class in acting, and full credit is due to the Emmy Award winner (3 consecutive years nonetheless).
Walt is a fifty year old chemistry teacher (and part-time cashier), a remarkably intelligent man whose life could have been very different, a man trying to support his pregnant wife and disabled son (played by RJ Mitte, who suffers from cerebral palsy in real life), a man who discovers he has lung cancer…
We have all been there, sat with our nibble of choice and plenty of beers (or soda) chilling in the fridge, ready to watch the newest film that we have been all hyped about, or ready to destroy our way through a huge new TV box set. Well I was doing this just last night, with a cheeky bit of Game of Thrones before bed, and suddenly I was listening to a language I didn’t quite recognise, when they started to speak Dothraki. Then a thought struck me, mid popcorn munch, as to just how many languages have actually been made up for a TV series of Film, and even better, which ones are my favourite? It seems all writers are now going that extra ‘Tolkien’ mile to construct a new language for their stories, so there are so many to choose from!
Here is my list of my all time favourite made up languages
Like many people this past week I went to the cinema to see the latest James Bond film Skyfall. I’ve seen all of the Bond films over the years and although I wouldn’t class myself as a true fan of the series there have been elements in each that have entertained me. There’s high points in the Bond series and low points, Skyfall itself is actually a great film, if only slightly ruined by its’ butt numbing length.
Something has always bugged me about James Bond though, it’s not his smug attitude or his callous killing sprees; it’s the jokes. The jokes that came mainly around the Roger Moore era of Bonds where he would take a man’s life away in the blink of an eye with no remorse and then make a pun about how he dismissed him. This is not the behaviour of a sane man, this is someone who is clearly disturbed on a mental level.
About once a year something comes around, something that is more annoying than Winter/Summer, delete as applicable if you’re a goth or emo, this something fills me with despair and to an extent upset: The “10 TV Show That Shouldn’t Have Been Cancelled” list that every “culture” website seems to wheel out like the good crockery at Christmas.
The thing with these lists is that whilst at heart they come from a good place they’re mostly just telling people what they don’t have any-more, it’s almost like the obituaries section of the Oscars, you’re reminded of some awesome talent that has taken a disliking to breathing. Whilst it’s wholly inappropriate for me, the self opinionated nerd I am, to start ragging on “rival” sites for these pieces, I also find myself drawn to the article topic myself like a moth to an inferno.
I love horror. I like to read it, I like to research it and I especially enjoy a creepy film. I love the feeling of unease, tension and the anticipation of something jumping out of my nightmares and onto my television screen. There are many things in the world that give me the creeps. Spiders, Cows and sometimes, being left alone in the dark for long periods of time. There is only one thing that can induce the warm, embarrassing flow of the ‘fear pee’ through my jeans. Little dead kids. So, when it comes to horror films, I’m open to watching any flick, unless it features a dead looking child on the cover. Then I hesitate.
There was a couple of announcements on the internet recently, news that made me and many of the other writers sit up and scream. The star of The Party at Kitty and Stud’s, Sylvester Stallone, is going to be in two games in the near future. The first we expect to see is a movie tie in downloadable title, Expendables 2. Secondly we will see the Italian Stallion donning a red bandanna and a permanent sheen of sweat in a new Rambo game.
These aren’t the first games featuring the muscles that mumble. Infact quite a number of Stallone’s films had a tie in games in the early to mid-nineties. I thought before we start looking forward too much to games like The Expendables 2 and Rambo we should look back at see how his previous ventures into pixel land fared.
The concept of Meta-Horror as a genre is something that has only really come into its own in the past few years. Films of the 80’s and 90’s although being “self aware” never really subscribed to the whole “break the 4th wall and have the horror universe as a real thing”.
Notable exceptions include Wes Craven’s New Nightmare, a bastard offspring of the Nightmare on Elm Street series, and Seed of Chucky. Both of which took the concept of the previous films in their canon and acknowledged they were films, but placed the latest in reality of a new film production. Quite simply Meta-Horror is something that’s painfully hard to explain so if nothing else why not see this top 5 as an explanation and a praising of the fledgling genre. It’s worth noting however that there is a difference between Meta-Horror and a parody, Scary Movie whilst having many references to the genre is not really in the spirit of the genre. And to pre-empt comments I will say now SPOILER ALERT for some of the following film descriptions.
This films opens with a Brooklyn accent, an accent that I can only describe as awful, painfully awful, I originally thought this opening narration was done by the awesome acting might of Bob Hoskins, doing one of his always questionable American accents. However, after a quick search online I found out the narration was done by Dan Castellanetta, that’s right Homer from the Simpsons, someone considered a legend in the world of animation lowered himself to this film, as did some other pillars of the acting world.
I actually like Street Fighter: The Movie. Perhaps like is too stronger word, but I definitely don’t mind it. I will start this debate of sorts with the films strongest, and potentially weakest point; Steven E. de Souza. This man wrote and directed this film, I imagine a lot of readers are asking who the hell is Steven E. de Souza? Well let me answer your question with multiple questions, Have you seen Die Hard? Have you seen Die Hard 2? Have you seen Beverly Hills Cop III? Well that chump wrote those films, quite simply good action films, he also wrote Judge Dredd but no ones perfect. Perhaps him directing Street Fighter was a mistake, but the writing isn’t all bad, there are a couple of plot points which are excellent, namely around Bison. Him turning around in his boudoir later in the film and looking longingly at his self portrait, something reminiscent of John Wayne Gacey’s painting is oddly depressing moment, only ruined be the set, costumes and soundtrack.
