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Published May 1, 2013

Dog Bin

The emphysema suffering G-Man from Half-Life was spotted in a Tesco Metro in Manchester last night.  Security footage shows the suited-and-booted man adjusting his tie – near the ready meals section – before walking off to another aisle.

Check-out worker, 16 year old Kelly-Marie, served the enigmatic G-Man. ‘He got out some coupons.  I think it was for a 25% discount on Petit-Filous, or something.  He was talking all funny, like that black boy in the wheelchair in Malcolm in the Middle.’


It appeared the G-Man had left his infamous briefcase behind.  Officials shut the store while inspecting the object.

‘We thought it might be an inter-dimensional tunnelling device,’ said an important looking man in a suit. ‘Turns out it just held a packet of Walker’s Crisps and a banana.’

The location of the G-Man is now a mystery, although many suspect Gabe Newell keeps him locked up in his basement.

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