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Published May 14, 2013

Dog Bin

Details have leaked, after files from the last ever Assassin’s Creed game wafted out of a window and became trapped under a local Frenchman’s garlic string.

It appears the game’s protagonist, Desmond Miles, will travel in the Animus to 1970’s Manchester.  He will relive the life of his estranged father, an unemployed labourer who discovers a piece of Eden in a kebab one evening.

assassins creed

‘Desmond is put out,’ said an official source. ‘He finds his father is not only unable to perform any physical feats, such as scaling buildings, but also spends most of his time boozing and placing bets.’

One gameplay detail highlights the fact that the character, Dean Miles, can hide amongst Manchester United fans, and even gain health by visiting the local Indian.

Our official source said, ‘Desmond’s had such an amazing lineage.  We wanted to show that his conception was quite unspectacular.  One chapter sees Dean banging what will turn out to be Desmond’s mother, in the toilets of a local club.  You also witness the inevitable heart attack Dean suffers after living such an unhealthy and ultimately pointless life.’ air max 97 air max 97