Alan Tit, famed gardener and failed chat show host, recently discovered some pikmin at the bottom of his garden. The tiny plant/animal hybrids were spotted carrying a dead fox behind his shed.
‘I don’t even play games, so I only knew what these creatures were after my son pointed it out to me.’
Asked if he was surprised, Mr Tit replied, ‘Surprised? Yes, yes I was a bit.’
The pikmin have now been taken away to be quarantined, as many pets in the local area succumbed to a strange disease that caused them to be dead.
‘Might be bird flu,’ said Mr Tit. ‘They are from Japan, after all. All sorts of weird things over there.”