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Published March 7, 2013

Dog BinGamers are refusing to buy games due to increasing sexual frustration, a recent report indicates.

With the advent of higher resolution graphics and superior art work, gamers are finding themselves too distracted by today’s use of sexual imagery in games.

Tim – a sales rep from Croydon – says, ‘Back in the 90s, everyone would bang on about Lara Croft this and Lara Croft that.  It’s pretty obvious now that I was just hassling my haddock over polygon breasts.’

With releases like Dead or Alive, Arkham City and the Mass Effect series, gamers with an inability to look at the opposite sex, let alone talk to them, are growing more irate at the barrage of ‘sexy games’ being released.

Unemployed writer, Jeff, says, ‘Every time I play as Catwoman in Arkham City, I have to pause it and nip off to the loo for ten minutes.’


With the approaching next-gen of games, visuals will reach near photo-realism.  Most gamers we speak to are now selling their consoles, and instead spending the money in massage parlours.

Hank, a 50 year old data analyst, says, ‘I now pay a woman to paint her skin blue and dress up as an Asari.  For an hour’s worth of massages, I’m paying the same as a Playstation 3.  The gratification is far better than the 80 hours worth of frustration I felt playing as Jane Shepard.’

When we contacted several games developers to question their (what could be viewed as) sexist perception of games, they proceeded to call us ‘fags’, before slamming the door in our face.  Shenji Makinjo, a lead developer on the action filled arse-fest, Resident Evil 6, sent us an attached video via email.  It involved several old men in a shower.

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